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You're going to think I'm totally crazy, but for a minute there I thought I was pregnant.

Last month, on the 22nd, I detected FSH in my urine accompanied by a bunch of Mittelschmerz. I didn't detect an actual surge, but I didn't aggressively test, and the Mittelschmerz was unmistakable. I thought I ovulated.

Having reason to believe that I could have gotten pregnant during that time, I started to count the days before my period was due to arrive, then discovered that I was "late."

I just darted out to the Dollar Tree and snagged a cheap pregnancy test in order to figure out what was going on. It was negative. Whew! I can drink in Munich! Yay, I can GO to Munich. Sob! I am getting older and every cycle counts, what if it had been a boy and what if I could have told Hub-D on Father's Day and, you know, get a lot more use out of that double stroller...

So yeah, a Jackson Pollack-esque bunch of emotions, most of which can be summarized as "bummed out."

Maybe that wasn't even a cycle. Maybe it was some kind of fakey pretend cycle where my body futzed around with some FSH and swelled up a fallopian tube but didn't release an egg. Because my period is still nowhere in sight.

I'd forgotten how shitty it feels to look at a negative pregnancy test. I shook when I did the test, just out of habit, and of course some hope.

I know it's a good thing that I'm not pregnant because my pregnancies are shiiiiitty. Therefore, I need to resolve Baby V's sleep before I contemplate entering that medical adventure. And now I get to have a grand adventure with my husband and children in Germany this summer, plus we're planning other fun things that a pregnancy would have just RUINED.

And I'm also dreading the whole waiting-until-ten-weeks adventure, where you sit around and wonder if your embryo will make it to fetus, whether its one-chambered heart will blossom into four.

So I don't have to go through THAT whole adventure, but I started to think about returning to the maternity ward, giving birth in some cushy, relaxed setting, and expanding our family lickety-split.

But not this month, and maybe not for some time if my cycle indeed has not resumed.