And I decided that this is what you are obligated to do while a child is developing a conscience -- make good behavior a habit by creating fictional constructs which a child will shed when he or she is older, when the reason to behave in our society is clearer in their mature mind.
It strikes me that these constructs -- with Santa being the most current example -- are our way of making Chebbles aware of her behavior -- she learns to recognize "right" from "wrong" based on this fib we're telling her, about a man who is looking over her shoulder all of the time, keeping track of her behavior.
Remember "Pinocchio?"
I didn't either, but I recently watched it with Chebbles and I was struck by its moral message. It's a terrifying movie about immoral behavior. Disney provides Pinocchio with a "conscience" in the character of Jiminy Cricket -- and whenever he isn't sure what to do, he's supposed to "give a little whistle" and summon up this cricket and his wise aphorisms. Only after Pinocchio learns to obey his father and Jiminy Cricket, does he become "real."
So when we placed the character of Santa in Chebbles' mind, it was to help her become "real" as well.
She's too young to have a conscience. If she can reap a reward without working for it, then why not!?... right? If she steals candy off the counter and eats it without telling me, who gets hurt!? If she pokes Gigi in the back of the head over and over until she shrieks, but she doesn't get punished for it, then who is really harmed?
Today at the farmer's market, we saw an incredible little girl performing on the fiddle. I marveled at her performance and Chebbles said, "I can play the fiddle too."
"No you can't," I said to her.
"Yes I can."
"It is disrespectful of you to say that. That little girl worked HARD to be good at the fiddle, and you haven't. You can't play the fiddle. Maybe someday, if you work hard at it, you can too."
(Confused silence...)
She's too young to understand the rules of our society -- you must work for rewards. You must listen to your little conscience as it grows, and you must be kind, honest and good, for then you are likeable and accepted. You will go far, you will be a good wife someday, a good member of the community -- IF you learn now that wickedness has no reward.
So for now, we recruit these fictional characters to guide children, for those moments that I'm not watching over her. I think she's off to a good start, but it's nice to have Santa's help.
(I acknowledge that this is where God comes in for many families. And I'm not opposed to His presence in our house in various ways -- but a concrete dude coming down the chimney feels a little more palpable and useful at this particular juncture. )
5 comments:
Well said! And I am bummed that Z missed the fiddler today...he would have LOVED her. BTW, just yesterday Z asked me where our chimney was....when I told him we didn't have one he inquired as to how the heck Santa was going to get in without a chimney. I a) pointed out that this year we would be at Na's, complete with chimney, and b) if necessary, I would let Santa in :)
You are ONE smart lady. I never would have connected the process, so thanks for educating me too! And what do you mean Santa is a construct? Next I bet you're going to say the Tooth Fairy isn't real either :-)
Love this post. Excellent take on Santa Claus.
Poor Whoozyerkid. No wonder why she has issues. I'm supposed to be her conscience. Does this mean I have to stop drinking hard liquor in the A.M.?
GREAT post. I have not been doing the "if you have been good" part of the whole Santa Thing, but this post made me realize that I should and that it would not be harmful. It probably would do my kids some good to think about the good vs. bad in this way.
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